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Title: Imagine Band on the Run

Artist: John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Played: 39735 times

whothef-cksarcticmonkeys:

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does

Status: Rain! :)
Older person on Facebook: Us too, so badly needed as well. Tell your mom I said hi. How is the family? Tell everyone hi from us. We miss you all so much. Wish we could be there. You're a beautiful young woman.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

tedylupin:

Physical appearance:

I have blond hair.
My current hair color is not my natural hair color.
I have curly hair.
I have green eyes.
I have red hair.
I have natural highlights.
I am black.
I have lots of freckles.
My nails are usually painted.
I wear a lot of eye make-up.
I have bangs.
I have short hair.
I wear a lot of pink.

Belongings:

I own a hair straightener.
I have my own car.
I have posters on my walls.
I have a pet.
I own a pair of roller skates or blades.
I have lots of bobby pins.
I own at least four bottles of perfume.
I have a lot of jewelry I never wear.
I own at least 5 pairs of jeans.
I own Converse.
I own a pair of high heels.
I own a leather jacket.

Family:

I have a step-relative.
I am adopted. 
My biological parents are married to each other.
I am an only child. 

At least one of my great-grandparents is still alive.
All of my grandparents are still alive.
I am related to someone famous.
I have a sibling who is in college
I am a twin or a triplet.
I have a sibling who is married.
I have a sibling who is less than five years old.
I have more than one sibling. 
I see my cousins often.

Relationship:

I am married.
I am engaged. 
I have been proposed to. 
I have never been in a serious relationship.
I have been asked out on a date.
I have been cheated on.
I am asexual.
I want to get married someday. 
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I have made out with someone against a wall.

Health:

I am lactose intolerant.
I have a food allergy.
Someone in my family has died of cancer.
I have had surgery.
I have scoliosis.
I take anti-depressants. (well I probably should)
I have attempted suicide.
I have been in the hospital in the past year.
I have broken a bone.
I have had strep throat. 
I don’t drink enough water.
I exercise for more than 10 hours a week.
I wear glasses and/or contacts.

Friendship:

I have a best friend. 
I am friends with a pair of twins. 
I am close friends with at least one of my neighbors.
I have at least one friend who lives in a different country.

Experiences:

I have had a near-death experience.
The police have been summoned to my house.
I have been nearly run over by some sort of large vehicle.
I have been snorkeling.
I have been to at least 2 weddings.
I have been to at least 2 funerals.
I have been to an overnight summer camp.
I have been on a train.
I have lived in a different country.
I have spent the night in a motel.
I have written a novel.
I have been zip-lining.
I have been to a wedding or funeral outside of my home country.
I have failed a class.
I have cut class.
I have gotten a speeding ticket.
I have gotten a parking ticket.
I have been in a car crash.
I have been sent to the principal’s office.
I have been arrested.
I have been drunk.
I have taken a ballet class.
I have driven a car. 
I have been on an upside-down roller coaster.
I have gone to school or work after a sleepless night.
I have flown in a hot-air balloon.
I have spent more than 48 hours without sleep.
I have been in a talent show. 
I have read Sherlock Holmes.
I have read all of the Harry Potter books. (SHAME ON ME)
I have seen all of the Harry Potter movies.
I saw the last Harry Potter movie in theaters.
I have thrown up on a plane.
I have worn my pajamas out in public.
I have worn my hair in a fishtail braid.
I have never been trick-or-treating.
I have posted a video on YouTube.
I have seen an episode of Supernatural.
I have worn colored contacts before.
I have tried out for a sports team.
I have auditioned for a play. 
I have been in a school play. 
I have had a main role in a school play. 

Personal:

I have a job.
I am afraid of heights.
I am not religious.
I live in an apartment.
I am extremely familiar with jet lag.
I want to change my name.
My first name ends with the letter “A.”
I don’t get nervous before making a presentation.
I have more than one citizenship.
I was born in a city.
I run a video blog.
I know what I want to do with my life. 
I am insecure about my voice.
I worry a lot about my future.

Education:

I am a student.
I go to a private school.
I have my Master’s degree.
I have taken a college-level class while in high school.
I have graduated from high school. 

Travel:

I have been to a third-world country. (like, i live in one)
I have been to the Carribean.
I have been to Boston.
I have visited a college.
I have been to Florida.
I have been to New York City.
I have visited another country.
I have been to Egypt.

Skills:

I am fluent in more than one language.
I have read a book in another language.
I can braid hair.
I can do a cartwheel.
I can do a handstand underwater.

Interests:

I play Skyrim.
I play Minecraft.
I like country music.
I like to read fanfiction.
I watch Doctor Who.
I enjoy hiking.
I run track.
I like cooking shows.
I like chick flicks. 
I love poetry.
I have written a song.
I am interested in cinematography.

Likes and Dislikes:

I like lobster.
I like strawberries.
I hate making my bed.
I enjoy science fiction. (*lou reed voice* it’s my wife, and it’s my life)
I like roller coasters.
I like watermelon.
I like going back-to-school shopping. 

Habits:

I go to the movies at least once a month.
I continuously bite my nails.
I have a habit of biting my lip. (my tongue actually)
I tap my foot when I’m nervous.
I have a paper calendar on my wall.
I often have to replace my earbuds.

timid:

do you ever get that horrible feeling in your stomach because you can’t imagine anyone ever falling in love with you and wanting to spend the rest of their life with you

realfruitpieces:

tfcj:

All I can say is…wow. Not a good feeling. 

Officer Darren Wilson’s gofundme has more money donated than Michael Brown’s memorial fund. White privilege at it’s finest. 

I don’t usually post about stuff like this, but please share this in hopes of more people donating to Michael Brown’s family. You can find the gofundme page: here.

WTF THEY RAISED ALL OF THAT IN JUST THREE DAYS

moffiarty:

we need to talk about this extra

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